“Are you
listening to me?”
“Yes! I heard everything you said!”
Nope, you
didn’t. Hearing is done with the ears,
but listening is done with so much more.
As a simple
example, listening allows us to understand sarcasm. The phrase – “how wonderful” – can be
interpreted very differently because of the tone of voice and the smirk that may
accompany the phrase. Because sarcasm is
usually harmless and forms a common part of our day, many of us are well tuned
to it, so missing the facial expression (if our back is turned) doesn’t mean we
miss the sarcastic comment as we recognise the tone of voice.
Unfortunately,
when it comes to more serious matters – which are tackled less frequently – we
are not as in-tune and miss much of what is being shared. These serious matters tend to make most
people uncomfortable so we tackle the issue while doing other things, cooking
for example. Even if we are brave enough
to request a talk without distraction, the paintings on the wall or the coffee
cup in-hand, suddenly become a far easier focus. Averting our eyes results in poorer listening
as those subtle facial expressions are vital because they are less easy to
control than the tone of voice.
Communication
between people is very complex. However,
practising listening by looking at the person who is speaking and acknowledging
their tone of voice, facial expressions and body language may result in greater
understanding of the emotion and intention behind what is being said. With greater understanding comes an ease to
how to respond – make a joke, say how sad that sounds, or simply nod your
head. Apart from making us a better
listener in those difficult-to-have important discussions, actively listening
can make even light chit-chat flow with greater ease.
