Following on
from last month’s newsletter of the Star Chart, this month takes a look at its
cousin: the Consequence Chart. This
should work on a visible removal of an item as opposed to the placing of a
‘black mark’ or similar as this tends to be a permanent visual reminder of when
a child was ‘bad’. Keeping this score
can damage self-esteem.
As with Star
Charts, the Consequence Charts are often unsuccessful but for different
reasons: Consequence Charts are often incorporated
into the existing discipline toolbox when it should be replacing some existing tools, particularly the shouting tool.
The premise,
as with the star chart is simple: there
is a set number of stars, pegs, fridge magnets etc. and one is removed when the
child does something s/he shouldn’t, or does not do something s/he should. A warning can be offered before the magnet is
removed, but only once. If it becomes
a threat that is not followed through, it is no longer effective, which is
often the first way in which this system falls.
The magnet is not a bargaining tool.
It is also not to be accompanied by the shouting or lecturing tools: if it
is, the child may perceive the parent as being mean as there is a “double
punishment”.
Once all the
magnets have been lost, a privilege is lost for that day only (every day starts
afresh). There may well be a melt down at the fact that
a privilege (such as TV or playing on the iPad) is unavailable, and this is
another area where errors are made: The typical instinct is to launch into a
lecture of why the privilege was lost which often results in a greater
argument. Should a melt down occur, it can
be ignored; or sympathy can be offered at the fact that the child is sad (no,
you are not going against what you are trying to do). Offering
sympathy (“I am sorry you are sad about this”) allows the child to express
him/herself and both parent and child can move into a good space quicker,
because there is no argument (resist the urge to speak more).
It is
imperative that the child knows beforehand what the do’s and don’ts are. Remember to be kind to yourself and select a
few behaviours to change – as they say, Rome was not built in a day.
