Conversations consist of statements
and questions and the various reactions to these. Generally, reactions are easy to anticipate
allowing for a comfortable flow. There
are times, however, when a reaction is defensive
and unless the parties are involved in a debate, a defensive reaction seems to
come out of the blue. This type of
response will often leave many confused, including the person who reacted
defensively.
Often blame is assigned to others
for being insensitive or naïve when it would be more beneficial to discover the
reason behind one’s defensiveness. An
example, that often comes up, is the statement “she doesn’t work” in response
to a question around the wife’s occupation.
The wife tends to become very defensive arguing that looking after the
children and cleaning the house is indeed work.
The simple reason behind the wife’s
reaction may often be a feeling of insufficiency at not contributing
financially. The difficulty comes in (as
discussed in the article on Confrontation) in the wife’s definition of work and the statement “she doesn’t
work” implying she is lazy.
The question then is would she want
the care of her home and children to be considered a job, the connotation of which is something that she has to do but
doesn’t necessarily want to do? Does she
expect some financial remuneration for the job?
If there is no promotion in the foreseeable future, would she want to
quit? These questions may seem silly but
they succeed in reorganising the definition of work for this instance.
